


Mirror.

by orphan_account



Category: septicpie - Fandom
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, short and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8804722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Seán thought it was possible, but he was wrong.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was based off of a song by a kpop group named Fiestar called Mirror.  
> Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKMT44GBaUI  
> 

_Looking in the mirror, it’s heartbreaking_

_I wish I could turn back time_

_-Mirror, Fiestar_

* * *

 

The cool water splashes on his heated skin, shocking his system momentarily and slowly bringing him back into reality. He reaches over and turns off the tap, stopping the flow of water before looking up to the mirror before him. _He isn’t himself._

The person looking back at him isn’t Seán, it isn’t Jack, hell, it’s hardly a person anymore. The eyes are sunken in and dark, the cheeks are the same. The lines from the smile that used to exist have all but faded, a lost memory in the darkness that has become his life. Despite the hurting in his heart, the tears don’t flow. Maybe it’s because he’s healing, or maybe it’s because they too have abandoned him.

His fingers begin to shake; his head hurts. It takes everything in him to look away from himself and walk away.

How long has it been? A week? A month? A few years? He really couldn’t tell anymore. The calendar on his computer tells him it’s been two months. Two months since he’s posted a video. Two months since he’s talked to anyone but Mark and his parents. Two months. Two heart-shatteringly long, painful months.

Even though he’s thrown in the towel he still receives fanmail. Letters poor in, letting him that he’s loved and missed, that people still support him and want him to come back. The fans sending them in think that it’ll help, but all they do is remind him.

They remind him of when he was Jack- a happy-go-lucky enigma that seemed to never feel anything other than happiness. Jack was the kind of guy who would smile just so that other people would, a guy who was masterful when it came to bringing joy...he had charisma and life _and Felix_ …

Seán cringes when the name enters his thoughts. Felix. The man who’d he’d been close to...the one who gave him the boost he needed at just the right time...He can’t deny that he still watches his new videos, in fact he watches them the minute they come out. Hearing the older man’s voice helps a bit; almost enough to make him forget. But when the video ends and his urge to message him again comes back, the pain returns with it.

He remembers their last conversation very clearly; the yelling the crying, the bitter feeling of regret when Felix rejected him. He remembers the look on his face, the discomfort in his voice, the firm hand on his chest that pushed him away…

_He and Felix had been three beers into their night when Se án decided to kiss him. To be true, he hadn’t thought of the consequences before crashing their lips together, but has his hand reached up to tangle in the elder’s hair he realized that, in that moment, he didn’t care. The bliss was brief, and soon his was being shoved backwards so hard that he nearly fell off of the couch. Then Felix was standing, yelling and demanding answers, to which Seán had dumbly replied: “Because I love you.” _

_It was the look of disapproval that hurt Se án the most. The sight of his once close friend looking down on him with that look...that alone was enough to break him down. And he did break down, right there on Felix and Marzia’s couch. _

_Though embarrassing for Se án, it helped the situation, calming Felix enough to make him apologize. _

_“Look Se án, I’m sorry...but you know that I’m not interested in you that way; or interested in men at all, for that matter. And maybe, if you really feel as strongly as you say you do, we should stop hanging out. Not for good, but at least long enough for you to stop having interest. Ok?” _

_Se án didn’t reply. He just watched as Felix started picking up the empty beer bottles and other trash. _

_“And maybe you should start looking for a flight back for tomorrow…” Felix muttered, barely loud enough to be heard over the clinking of bottles. Se án stood shakily before making a mad dash out of the apartment complex and back to the hotel close by. He spent the rest of the night face down in the pillows of the cheap hotel bed, wetting them with tears and regrets. _

But now he sits here, mouse hovering above Felix’s most recent video. He begins to wonder what he and Felix would be talking about right now if he hadn’t kissed him; if he had left that sort of thing in a fantasy rather than trying to live it out. Tears begin to pool in his eyes as the video starts playing.

How is it that Felix got out of everything so unscathed? Did he simply not care about their friendship? Was he just better at hiding it? The tears fall freely as he watches Felix and Ken play Gmod.

He’s ruined something wonderful.

And it’s _not_ coming back.


End file.
